


Holy Shit, You're Hot

by slut_for_jan_and_trixya



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Crystal has the best parents ever, Crystal-centric, F/F, Fluff, Katya is sweet af, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:28:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25050910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slut_for_jan_and_trixya/pseuds/slut_for_jan_and_trixya
Summary: Crygi soulmate Au, enjoy.
Relationships: Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd
Comments: 11
Kudos: 106





	Holy Shit, You're Hot

**Author's Note:**

> I might write a sequel or Gigi's POV if this is received well. Might add chapters too. Hope y'all like it.

5 years old. 

  
  


“Holy shit, you’re hot.”

Those are the words that were printed in a dark cursive font on her forearm, a tingly sensation arriving with them. Despite only being five, Crystal knew what binding marks were. Giddy with excitement, Crystal abandoned over the toys, running over the fence to her neighbor’s house. 

“Katya! Katya! Katya!”

“What?!” The annoyed teenager emerged from the front door, her irritation vanishing at the adorable sight that presented itself to her. “Oh. Hi Crystal, what can I do for you?”

“I got my soul mark!” Crystal proudly showed her wrist to Katya, and the blonde had to avoid choking on her spit from repressed laughter. 

“That’s lovely, sweetheart.” 

“What does it say?”

“Why don’t you try to sound it out for me?”

“Hoeeee-leee. Sheeet.”

“Shit.” Katya was fighting a losing battle as she tried not to laugh.

“Yoooraay.”

“You’re.”

“You’re. Hot. Holy shit, you’re hot.”

“Well done, Crystal.”

“What’s a shit?”

“Why don’t you ask your mom.”

“Okay.”

As the brunette ran in, pink fairy wings flying behind her, Katya let out her laughter and buckled over down onto the floor. 

“Oh, looooord.” She said aloud. “Her mom is going to skin me.”

“Mamá?” Crystal asked, shyly. 

“Si, carino?”

“Que es una ‘shit’?”

“Crystal!” Her mother, Lucrecia, stomped across the kitchen to lightly slapped the palm of Crystal’s hand, no force behind the action but enough to annoy the boisterous child. 

“Que, mamá?”

“Where did you learn that word, Mija.” Crystal giggled as she showed her the curly letters were written on her arm, and her mother’s eyes widened as her father, Alejo, She’sout into hysterical laughter. Crystal cocked her head to the side, confused by her parents’ reactions, and walked outside, resuming tea-time with her cherished barbies. 

“Well, at least we know she’ll grow up to be beautiful, Lu.” Her father said in a desperate attempt to calm Lucrecia’s rage. 

“Obviously, you fool. Our genetics combined are going to result in a breath-taking child. Take a look at Crystal, she’s basically a Barbie doll.” 

“Then why are you so angry?” Alejo wrapped his arms around his wife’s waist, slowly peppering kisses against her neck.

“Alejo, it’s her soul mark.” Lucrecia lamented as she leaned into her husband’s touch. 

“And?”

“What if he is a cad, who walks up to a girl and says that to her?” 

“What if he is breath-taken by her beauty and lost for words?”

“What is he does not love her and only the body she is blessed with?”

“When we first met, was I not blinded by your beauty and rendered speechless?” Lucrecia stutter, a blush rapidly spreading across her cheeks as she stumbled for a point. 

“What if he does drugs?”

“What gives you the impression that he will?”

“I DON’T KNOW ALEJO.” Lucrecia huffed as her husband pulled her tighter into her arms and laughed at her frustration. Gradually the two dissolved into love-dazed giggles on the floor on their house, content with the life and content in love. 

“Tranquilo, mi amor.  She will be fine. She has your strength and your courage; nothing will strike her down. She will find her soulmate in her own time and on her own terms, as we did. ”

“I know.” Lucrecia smiled. “She will be fine.”

  
  


\----

12 years old

Crystal sat in her room absent-mindedly doodling in her dairy. Today at school,, e had finally learned what the writing on her wrist meant. It had taken seven years but finally, she had discovered the meaning behind her soul mark. Turns out, her soulmate had not been calling her a piece of poop this entire time, but the term ‘Holy Shit’ meant bewilderment. Crystal was relieved, relieved that her soulmate did not think she was a poop. 

“Mija?” Alejo shouted. 

“Yes, Papa?”

“There is somebody at the door for you.”

“Okay, I’m coming.”

Crystal hurried down the stairs, past her mother and waiting at the door was a boy holding a bouquet of dead flowers and a blush spreading past his cheeks. He was dressed in a blue shirt with the armpit area completely soaked through with sweat and grey gym shorts that looked and smelled as if they hadn’t been washed in a decade. He smelled of the aggressive Axe deodorant so popular with young men her age and mountain dew.

Crystal looked at her soul mark. Oh god. She prayed to all the gods that existed that the words about to come out of his mouth did not match the ones printed on her arm. 

“Hi, I’m Christopher. We had math together.”

YES. THANK YOU, JESUS.

“Hi.”

“You’re hot, and you have a nice ass.” Crystal never regretted more that her mother was out shopping and not at home. Had she been at home, the chancleta would have come out the second he arrived at the door. 

“Thank you?”

“I think that you and I would be a pretty good match. You’re hot, smart and I saw you wear a Mario kart t-shirt once so you must like video games. I’m hot and smart, and I like video games. Besides, Crystal and Christopher sound really good together. ”

“Thank you, Christopher. But I’m not interested.”

“What are you, some dyke?” 

Crystal’s blood ran cold as she turned over to her father, who’s amusement had turned into concern, begging for him to intervene. As he was about to a black car pulled up to the drive-way and Crystal thanked the heavens for her mother’s existence. Lucrecia emerged, a handful of groceries in one hand and car keys in the other. The second she laid eyes on Christopher, the bags kay abandoned on the floor and in her hand lay her beloved chancleta. 

“Get the hell away from my daughter!” 

Tears of relief poured down from Crystal’s cheeks as Lucrecia scooped Crystal up into her arms and gently ushered her back at their home.

“Alejo, I’ll handle this. Take care of Crystal.” Alejo nodded and kissed his wife on the forehead before closing the door behind them. 

“What did you say to her.”

“Just that she was pretty and had a hot ass. She’s probably some fucking dyke anyway. Don’t worry.” Christopher babbled, unaware of his impending doom. 

“What were your first words to her.” Suddenly grabbing the boy by the shoulders with a intense fear in her eyes. “ANSWER ME!”

“Woah, lady.” 

“Mamá, he’s not my soulmate.” Crystal shouted from the window, and Lucrecia sighed with relief before raising her sandal. 

“LEAVE.”

Needless to say, Christopher did not bother Crystal again, but that night Crystal could not help but wonder. What if her soulmate was like Christopher. A sleazy good for nothing boy who didn’t care for her. Her soul mark did imply that whoever it thought she was beautiful, but what if that was all they saw? What if they saw nothing more? What if Crystal ended by saddled with a good for nothing boy who did not see her for more than the outside and valued materialistic beauty over genuine intrigue and personality. It sounded stupid, a beautiful girl complaining. But what if that was all they saw, a beautiful girl. What if once they got to know the Crystal beneath the freckled cheeks and widened eyes and the other imperfections began to slip through, they left? What if when they saw the ugly that lurked beneath, they left.

Wanting to clear her head, she walked down to the living room and stumbled into her mother in a heated discussion with a lady on the phone. 

“Threatened your son? He threatened my daughter!”

“Mamá?”

“Crystal,” A tired sadness washed over Lucrecia. “Go to your father for a second.”

Crystal nodded and walked over to her father and gently climbed up onto his lap, resting her head along his chest. She could hear his heartbeat. So steady, so calm. She wished more things in her life were like her father’s heartbeat. Alejo covered her ears gently as Lucrecia began to scream into the phone and Crystal clung on tighter to his nightgown. She wished her father’s embrace could protect her from the world, from boys like Christopher and to whoever her mother was talking to on the phone. 

“Yes, I understand.” Lucrecia bit her lip. She had to swallow her pride for her daughter’s sake. “I apologize for threatening your son. Goodbye, Ms. Davis.”

“Mamá? Estás bien?” Lucrecia opened her arms and Crystal came running into them as tears rushed down both girl’s cheeks. 

“Si, carino. Estoy bien.”

“Where you talking to Christopher’s mom?”

“Yes, esa senora es loca.”

“I can see that.”

“No one will ever hurt you, okay? Not with yo y mi chancletas.” Crystal giggled. 

“Lo si, mama.”

“Te quiero, mija.”

“Yo tambien.”

Wrapped up in her mother’s arms, Crystal knew that no matter who her soulmate was, she was loved. And that was enough for her. 

  
  


\---

17 years old

Crystal sighed. She had to do this. She couldn’t keep lying to her parents. It wasn’t right. She was out to her friends, she was out to her social media, it was only fair that she was out to her parents. 

“Papa? Mamá?” Her parents looked up from their respective armchairs and paused the TV, their brown eyes creasing at the edges as they smiled at her. 

“Si?”

“I’m gay.” 

There was a dead silence that filled their house that normally teemed with life and teemed with noise. Oh god. They weren’t okay with it. They were going to kick Crystal out onto the streets or send her to some conversion center where they would kill her soul. She shouldn’t have come out. She shouldn’t have done this, it was a mistake. It was a mistake-

“Lu, you owe me ten dollars.” Alejo held out his hand as Lucrecia huffed as she ruffled through her handbag. 

“You couldn’t have come out when in January, Crystal? You just had to wait until April.”

“Wait, you’re not mad?” Both her parents burst into hysterical laughter as Crystal stared in disbelief. 

“Mad?” Alejo choked out as the laughter gradually died. “We have known since you were six.”

“WHAT?!”

“How many times have you come home rambling about some girl and how pretty she was?” Lucrecia said as a blush spread across Crystal’s cheeks. 

“So you’re cool with it? You don’t want grandbabies?”

“Adoption, mija. Blood doesn’t mean family.” Lucrecia said nonchalantly as if it were the most natural thing in the world. 

“And if I don’t want kids?”

“Hell, then we’ll get a cat.”

“No cats, Alejo. I’m allergic.”

“Fine, a small dog.” 

“Sooooo, Crystal,” Lucrecia wiggled brows. “Is there a girl?”

“Mamá!” Crustal blushed. 

“There’s a girl!”

“Hallelujah!” Her father whooped and Crystal sunk into her shoulders wishing the ground could swallow her up. “Do you know how long we have been waiting?”

“Guys, there’s no one.”

“Liar.” Both her parents said at once, their grins goading her on.

“Uh, I’m going to my room.”

“Wait!” Lucrecia walked up to her daughter and enveloped Crystal in her arms. “I’m so proud of you, baby. This must have taken a lot of courage. Know that whatever happens, we are always going to love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Now, tell us about this girl. Is she your soulmate.” 

A sad look crossed Crystal’s face. Eighteen years. She had been waiting and praying and hoping for eighteen years. Waiting for her soulmate to say the four words that had gotten her into so much trouble throughout her life. Every time she met a new girl her heart leaped at the possibility that they could be her soulmate. But every time it sank as the mouth opened and the words she had waited for did not come out. It didn’t make sense to Crystal. Most of her friends had found their soulmates by now, most people found their soulmates by now. But Crystal, Crystal was still here waiting. With empty hands and a hurting heart. 

The logical side of her knew that there was a reason as to why she had not met her soulmate yet. Crystal lived in a small town, maybe the lack of lesbians simply meant her soulmate lived outside of Springfield. Maybe somewhere up in Kansas City? But the illogical, deeply insecure part of her wondered whether or not she was the problem. Her soulmark implied that they would find her beautiful, but what if she wasn’t beautiful enough? What if, in a strange twist of fate, they had seen her before and found her ugly and thus chose not to speak to her. What if they lived in the hospital, terminally ill. Crystal couldn’t bear the thought of her soulmate ever being hurt, she had never met the girl but was already head of heels in love. A horrifying thought dawned on Crystal. What if her soulmate was dead? What if that was why she still hadn’t met them. Because they were dead. A tear slipped down her face as a concerned Lucrecia wiped it away. 

“Crystal? Am I pushing you too much? Should I leave it alone?”

“No, mamá.” Crystal smiled sadly. “She’s not my soulmate.”

\---

26 years old

“JAN, NO MORE ALCOHOL.”

“But it’s my birthdaaaaaay.” The drunken blonde slurred as she groped at Crystal’s shoulders. “I’ve only had a few shoooots.”

“Yeah, but it only takes one to fuck you up.” 

Crystal looked around her. The club scene really wasn’t her thing. She shouldn’t have agreed to come with Jan as she drank away her sorrows. Jan was like Crystal, both girls were in their late twenties and yet to find a soulmate. The only difference being Jan was born with her soul mark, she had spent her whole life wandering through New York searching for her soulmate. The poor girl had the misfortune of having a common phrase as a soul mark. Bearing the words, “Hi, what can I get you.” on her arm. Therefore resulting in short affairs with waiters and bartenders across the country that ended in heartbreak and alcohol. 

Crystal was different. She had spent her entire life single, a virgin, still naively waiting for the perfect girl to show up. Crystal had searched hard though, even going so far as to take a gap year trekking through Europe to find her. The result was fatigue, pain, and frustration. She had waited for 27 years. How fair was it that her parents met in kindergarten and she was almost seven times their age and still alone. Alone. A word made to sum up Crystal. She lived in a dull, empty studio apartment that housed her tired soul and a couple of plants. At work she was alone, her job as a kooky art teacher to preschoolers meant that her colleagues looked down at her. Sure she had toddlers to keep her company, but their fleeting existence only reminded her of her lonesomeness, so she preferred to lunch alone. Her parents, loving as they were, had urged her to settle down somewhere and start afresh after years and years of tears and anguish in Missouri. New York had seemed to be the right place. There she met Jan and together they shared the pain of a soulmate less existence. 

But still, Crystal held on to hope. Because deep in the crevices of her heart, she knew her soulmate was trying to get to her, they were running as fast as they could. But for now, she had to get Jan home. She knew that Jan was going to be spending the night on the couch and internally braced herself for vomiting, crying and nonsensical rambling. 

“Jan lets get you home.”

“Buttttt, Crystalllll.”

“No buts, Jan. It’s time for bed.”

“But what is she’s hereeeee,” Jan begged, with hope glistening in her eyes. Crystal smiled sadly. Maybe Jan would find her waitress-love in the middle of a crowded dance floor, just maybe. 

“Okay. Five more minutes.” The blonde girl immediately perked up as she ran back to the bar, asking the exasperated bartender for yet another drink. Suddenly, she felt a cold splash on the back of her dress. She turned and behind her was what Cyrstal believed to be the reincarnation of Aphrodite. Long brown hair and even longer limbs. Deep, chocolate colored eyes that contrasted her milky white skin. A full, baby pink pout that Crystal wanted to bite into. Good gracious, this girl was stunning. She appeared to be unaware of her mistake until she turned around and caught a glimpse of Crystal. Her angelic eyes fluttered as she realized her mistake. 

“Holy Shit, you’re hot.”

Crystal’s blood froze. Slowly, she let out a hesitant smile.

“I’ve been waiting for you.”

The girl’s eyes widened as the realization dawned upon her. 

“I’m Crystal.”

“I’m Gigi.”

“Gigi. That’s a pretty name.”

“Short for Genevieve.”

“Am I…” Crystal was scared. Scared that this girl was not who she thought she was. 

“Yes, I’m your soulmate.” Gigi showed Crystal her wrist and in Crystal’s messy scrawl lay the words that she had just spoken. 

“I've waited for you for so long.”

“I-I-I’m so sorry.” Gigi dissolved into teasers Crystal wrapped her up in her arms. There were so many things Crystal wanted to tell the sobbing girl. SHe wanted to tell her that there was nothing she could do that would ever make Crystal hate her. She wanted to tell her that she was incredible, gorgeous, the most perfect being to walk to earth. She wanted to tell her to stop crying, but Gigi was so beautiful when she cried so who was Crystal to stop her. She wanted to tell her about the pain of waiting so many years for her and how grateful she was to finally have Gigi in her arms. She wanted to tell her that she would love her until her dying breath. She wanted to tell Gigi so many things. 

But that could wait, they had a whole lifetime together. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my shitpost. Please comment, it's greatly appreciated.


End file.
